This week has been an exceptionally busy one in our house, and it’s one of those weeks where Trevor and I have completely missed each other. Monday was our one “normal” evening, then on Tuesday I had small group at 6:30, Wednesday he was on-shift, Thursday I took dinner to a dear friend that just had a baby & Trevor had his small group, last night we had friends over for dinner and tonight he’s working again. I almost remember what he looks like.
Working at the fire department has some great perks (i.e.: 48 hours off at a time), but the being gone for an entire day part isn’t so much fun. Trevor is basically a stay-at-home-dad 2/3 of the time, which is great, but it kind of throws off our dynamic for spending time together. When I used to have the kids all day on my own, the second he got home I’d be all “here you go, I’m taking a shower and going to pee by myself.” It’s very much the same with him, now that he’s home with them, except it’s “here you go, I’m going outside to use my chainsaw.”
I’ve found that since our lives have followed this pattern, there has been a shifting of roles between Trevor and I. When we first got married, I used to do the bulk of the housework and all the cooking, even though I also worked full-time. When we were both out of the house, it had to get done somehow- I am a take-charge control freak, so I just did it. Enter two children and housework survival mode. When neither one of you is at home during the day and there’s a mountain of laundry, dishes to be done and 38 pounds of crumbs on the floor, someone better get to stepping the second they get home. That’s a lot of work for one person that also wants to see their spouse, spend time with their kids and have some semblance of a social life.
So we learned to share- I learned that letting someone else fold towels (even if they did NOT fold them the way Martha Stewart teaches, which is the ONLY WAY) is okay, and Trevor learned that he likes to take charge of the laundry. Because he is a saint. And since he started at the fire department, he has been home way more than I am, so he does do the bulk of our laundry, cleans and takes care of the dishes while I’m at work. When I get home, I cook dinner for everyone, clean the kitchen, then we both do the bath time/bedtime routine with the boys. His schedule really helps with child care, since the boys both only attend half-day preschool. When Trevor is on-shift, my mom takes care of the boys at our house, which is AMAZING. Obviously on the weekends if he works, I just fly solo. That’s when I get to channel my inner Martha Stewart and bake things (the boys LOVE helping me cook), deep clean the house and spend good alone time with the kiddos. My favorite days are weekend days where Trevor is off- then we feel complete having everyone together under one roof (or outside).
This constant rotation of schedules is hard, but it works for our life in the crazy stage we’re in right now. Our household roles aren’t “the norm,” and Trevor had to really get used to being the primary caregiver for the kids during the week. But you guys, it has been such a blessing to our family. We have been able to keep the kids out of daycare (yay for not spending a gazillion dollars a year on that) and allow for Knox to have in-home therapy during the day so that we can focus on being a family at night. I wonder how long this will go on and what the next part will look like, but for now, this is our current crazy.