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All it takes is one glass of wine

And the proverbial flood gates open. I really thought I was okay ::points down to earlier post:: after my freaking out episode a couple days ago. It was “out of my system,” and I was NOT going to cry again. Uh, yeah right, self. I am a total basket case. I bought six bottles of wine on the way home (not all for today, but I needed to stockpile) and cracked open one while DH and I were discussing dinner plans. One glass is all that it took to turn me into a sobbing, hysterical mess. I couldn’t stop. He kept telling me to cheer up and that it will work soon, but I just don’t know if I believe that.

I am so frustrated with all of this. I hate PCOS; I should be pregnant instead of dealing with regulating my stupid body. There are so many other girls I know both online and IRL that should be pregnant, too. But we’re not. I need some sort of hope to keep me going right now. I have no idea how people can push through and do this for years, and my heart aches for those women and their husbands. This is our last Clomid cycle before an RE referral. While I know that going to an RE would be great because they are so much more specialized, it sucks because our insurance covers NOTHING infertility related. We would be totally out of pocket. Our first big expense is going to be this month’s HSG. It will probably be the end of next week, and I hate to spend so much hard-earned money on something painful and scary. I know it’s the first major step, though, and has to be done. Hopefully it will be worth it and give us some peace of mind. A small part of me wants to wave the white flag and quit, but the majority wants to be a mother more than words can say and will never stop until I am holding a baby in my arms.

I know this post probably seems over-dramatic, but I don’t care because it’s how I feel right now. And it’s my blog so I can say what I want! 😉

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  • Reply Happily Ever After

    I know how you feel. I’m sorry. Enjoy that wine for both of us. I’ll be having a few glasses in a couple weeks. I’m sure this break cycle I’m on will result in a BFN.

    Are you doing your HSG with your ob/gyn? My ob/gyn wanted to do my HSG but we decided to go to an RE first. We are glad because he charged around $800 (it was done in his office). My ob/gyn would have charged around $1,500 because she would have done it in the hospital.

    I’m not sure where you are located in the south. But my RE is awesome! Dr. Sch.noor. He’s in Charleston, SC at Southeastern Fertility Center.

    Best wishes!!!

    February 28, 2009 at 4:07 pm
  • Reply Rebecca

    I so feel your pain. TTC sucks. FF tried to take away my CH today (at 9 dpo) after yet another sleepless night and at this point I don’t know if I even ovulated. It’s too bad we don’t live near each other or we could go get sloshed together. xoxo Becky19

    February 28, 2009 at 7:58 pm
  • Reply amym

    I am a big fan of the Insulite PCOS System. I had been using the product for two years, in addition to using progesterone cream, following a low GI diet and exercising every day. I was trying to avoid pregnancy as I have two beautiful boys conceived with the help of Clomid. But last spring I got pregnant on my own and now have a beautiful 2 week old baby daughter. I highly recommend Insulite – it helped suppress some of my PCOS symptoms and made me feel better all around.

    March 1, 2009 at 10:57 pm
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