An ode to things that I want so desperately to have.
I want to see two pink lines instead of one.
I want to cancel my VIP Fertility Friend membership.
I want the only pills I take to be prenatal vitamins.
I want morning sickness.
I want to be able to have sex without wondering what will come of it.
I want to know what it’s like to pass the baby section without wincing.
I want to forget how much I know about infertility.
I want to throw away every getting pg book I own and replace them with baby books.
I want to gain weight for a reason other than eating too much (again).
I want to NOT be able to buy wine at the grocery store.
I want to make my husband lift heavy things and clean the litterbox.
I want to make ultrasound appointments to see my baby instead of my follicles.
I want to feel a kick from the inside.
I want to feel the pain of a natural birth.
I want to count to ten on tiny fingers and toes.
I want to feel my eyes burning after a sleepless night with a crying baby.
I want to make home-made baby food.
I want to clean scraped knees and kiss boo-boos.
I want to be hugged goodnight by tiny arms.
I want to read bedtime stories.
I want to be able to buy Hello Kitty or Superman bandaids at Target.
I want to turn my husband into a Daddy.
I want to be a Momma.
You know what sucks the worst about infertility besides the obvious? My mood fluctuates so much, even within the day, that I can’t get a handle on how to act/ think/ deal with myself. One second I am so hopeful that everything will be okay, the next I am furious at everyone and everything, then I’m terribly sad and sentimental (See above for sad and sentimental). I wish I would at least feel something consistently so I could make peace with it somewhat. Not that it would make a huge difference, but it could be helpful.
This work, unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.