I was talking to Trevor last night, and I said “Remember back when Knox was actually sleeping through the night? What happened??”
This is the great, unanswerable question, apparently.
I thought I had this whole night-time parenting thing down pat when he was sleeping from 8 to 6 at around six months old. And then, reality struck. Knox decided: “Hey, sleeping is for losers… Let’s play ALL THE TIME!!!” Oy. That’s when the night turned into the bane of my existence. I seriously dread bedtime. Every. Single. Day. I was telling Trevor, it’s not even so much the lack of sleep because I have become accustomed to running on very little- it’s the lack of alone time. I feel like a huge jerk, but I want to scream at the sound of Knox waking up for the umpteenth time a night because all I want to do is sit by myself and look at the new “Better Homes and Gardens.” I never thought that reading a magazine for 15 minutes would turn into an impossible task. Letting him cry, as we have established, does not work because not only do I hate it, but he throws up after five minutes of it.
It’s not that I don’t adore this child with every fiber of my being, because I obviously do. I mean, y’all have seen this blog, right? I prayed constantly for him before he was even here, and I still thank God all throughout the day for bringing him into my life. I truly believe that he is the greatest blessing I have ever been given. But I do not think it’s wrong for me to want him on a normal sleeping schedule so that I can have some R&R. Especially after months and months of this. I am hoping DESPERATELY DREAMING that weaning helps with this situation. Because seriously? If he could be soothed by Trevor when he woke up, that would rock. At the present, all he wants is me. Well, that’s not even true, all he wants are my boobs. Let me just say it: I am sick of being a pacifier. I feel like my nipples are going to be an inch long before this is all over with because they’re used way too often.
If we have another kid, we’re using a pacifier. No joke. Mama needs some sleep.