Getting Past the Past

I ran into someone this week that I had honestly hoped to never see again. In a nut shell, way back in my freshman year of college, probably seven years ago, I was in the midst of the first “break” with my now husband. We had several of these over the course of a year or two, but this first one was undoubtedly the hardest because I didn’t know where things would end up. I definitely acted out and got a little too wild, doing things I would come to regret soon after. I used to work at Pier 1, and one night, a guy came in to buy a gift off of a registry for his friend’s wedding. I helped him pick it out, one thing led to another, and he ended up getting my phone number. This was not my normal “type” to be sure. He didn’t look like my type, he didn’t act like my type and he was kind of a jerk. I don’t know what possessed me to even talk to someone like that, but nonetheless, I did. We went out a couple of times, and it was clear the guy had some issues. I guess I felt like I needed to validate myself as being attractive enough or worthy enough for attention from males, in general, after being dumped, and a part of me wanted to “get back” at Trevor (even though he had no idea what I was doing), so I fell into this stupid, short-term whatever it was.

One night I picked him up to hang out at my house, he was drunk and couldn’t drive- doesn’t this just scream “good idea?” Anyway, we were kissing and, long story short, he took things to a place I had already told him I wasn’t going to go. It was not a violent or rough situation, just kind of sneaky and deceptive and when I realized what he was doing, I was livid. I took him home and never spoke to him again. I was so mad at myself for putting myself in that type of situation, and madder at him for trying to take advantage of me. Trevor and I ended up getting back together soon after, and I told him about this situation. It bothered him, immensely, being that neither one of us had ever had sex before and I had come dangerously close because this jerk took it upon himself to make a decision for me.

Years went by without incident, I did see him at a festival downtown once, pointed him out to Trevor, and that was that.

Then, two days ago, I went to a meeting for work, and when I walked into the building, guess whose face greeted me behind the receptionist’s desk. To make matters worse, I had Knox with me, and he proceeded to talk to him. I seriously wanted to rip his teeth out for even looking at my baby, much less speaking to him. And then, he told me I “looked familiar” and asked me a line-up of questions like my name, where I went to school, etc, and said he couldn’t figure out where he knew me from. I told him “I don’t know,” and went to my meeting. I was not about to play this ridiculous game with someone who so obviously knew who I was- the realization on his face told me that much- sorry, but I’m worth more than that.

I told Trevor about this encounter when I got home, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it bothered him as much as it bothered me. I can’t get that guy’s disgusting smirk out of my head, and as much as I don’t even want to give him the time of day, I can’t quit thinking about it. I feel such guilt for that whole situation, at least for my part in it. This whole thing has made me even more ┬áthankful for my amazing husband, son and the life I have. I am grateful to God for pulling a college girl out of a mindset that she wasn’t good enough, smart enough, pretty enough to have standards for herself. Let me tell you, my standards now are pretty darn high! I just need to learn to leave the past in the past and move forward because I am forgiven for the person I used to be and what I have done before now. Thank you, God.

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7 thoughts on “Getting Past the Past

  1. Misty

    I feel for you girl. Sometimes you have to tell yourself; “The experiences that you had in the past make you the wonderful person that you are today.:.

  2. Mrs. MidAtlantic

    I made so many stupid decisions in college. If I believed in regrets, I would regret my entire freshman year. And that summer after. And the first half of sophomore year. But then, why do we make mistakes if not to learn from them? I am so thankful to have met Nate when I did – he literally saved me.

  3. bbjoys

    Oh, you poor thing. I’m sure we all have things we’ve done in the past that we regret. Although we can’t change the past, we can change what we choose to do now as adults. Try not to dwell on the past; it’s done and over with. What’s important is now, and I have no doubt that you are very a respectable and strong woman.

    And you’re hawt. :D

  4. Jaclyn

    I had a similiar bad experience my freshman year of college. In a nutshell I was also going through a rough patch with my now husband and had to deal with a looser guy who was trying anyway possible to get into my pants. It didn’t happen, Thank the Lord, BUT to this day I still feel guilty of what could have happened and that I put myself in some bad situations. Your creeper guy sounds alot like the creeper guy I had to deal with and I really hope that I never have to see him again and if I do, I hope we DONT recognize eachother!

    The way I have dealt with it is to think I had to see what loosers were out there before I really know the husband was THE ONE and God put that one really stupid looser out there for me to see and appreciate my husband! lol


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