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Oh my gosh, why didn’t I buy groceries yesterday.

This is a note to say that if I don’t blog ever again, it’s because I have died of starvation. We had zero food in the house this morning, so aside from coffee and a bite of Knox’s banana, I am running on empty. I was going to stop on the way to work, but Screamy McGee forbade me from pulling into any drive-thru. At that point, I had to make a choice: listen to crying that would make me bleed from the ears for five more minutes or forgo eating breakfast. I chose sanity over nourishment. This may have been a fatal error.

I have scavenged my office and my bag, and I am not proud to say that I just ate an expired Baby Mum Mum. So the chance that I may come down with some sort of expiration disease won’t even be worth it because, well, those things melt and do absolutely nothing to satiate hunger. I am *this* close to eating Brody’s lunch. However, that would make me feel horrendously guilty (and probably nauseated), so I have resorted to eating Splenda packets that I found in my mom’s desk. I am currently drinking a glass of water with two Splendas. This is an indication of how freaking hungry I am because I do not use artificial sweeteners, but I figured it would be better to do that than pass out. I keep telling myself this is what Bear Grylls would do as I scour the place looking for a source of “food energy.”

For the love of all things good, someone please bring me a doughnut.

That is all, and if this kid would ever stop crying or someone else would get here, maybe I could go somewhere to feed myself.┬áThat is the end of my “coffee break” AKA blog break. Note to self: next time, choose food.

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  • Reply Elizabeth

    Ha! I know this isn’t funny for you but it is kinda funny to read (as I am eating my breakfast-sorry, I know, I am so mean). If I were in the same state as you I would so bring you something. Maybe you could order some delivery? If your anything like me you prob don’t have any cash.

    September 26, 2012 at 10:14 am
    • Reply Jessica

      Elizabeth, yes, you are very mean. LOL. Nothing delivers over here, aside from pizza, and none of those places are open yet. There is a drug store across the street that I’m contemplating walking to with this tyrant of a child who is in the worst mood ever. Then again, I probably shouldn’t try to contend with traffic in my current mental state!

      September 26, 2012 at 10:23 am
  • Reply Megan

    I love you! I don’t mean to laugh but the vision of you withering away as you sip Splenda water is making me giggle a little bit. Poor girl! I can so relate to “Screamy McGee” in the car. Would someone please tell our children it is really not so bad back there? Sheesh. Get some food soon, Mama – I would bring you some if I didn’t live thousands of miles away! :(

    September 26, 2012 at 11:23 am
  • Reply Lindsay

    I’ve been known to snack on some puffs before. It’s like eating air! Hope you’ve had a nice tasty lunch since this post!

    September 26, 2012 at 3:30 pm
  • Reply Laura

    I’ve been having the same issue lately, although I always choose food over anything else. Hmm, what does that say about me? I’ve been getting to work really late because a) I can’t get out of the house on time with a baby and toddler, and b) I have no food in my house and simply cannot function without stopping for more coffee and some breakfast. I need a grocery/cooking fairy to visit me. Hope you get to eat something soon!

    September 26, 2012 at 3:42 pm
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