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I’m a mess

I work in a church, and as part of my job, I craft a weekly email devotional. Some weeks, I get super into it and feel so inspired to write. I’ll look back at my computer screen and think “Man, that is really good! Where did that come from?!” Other times, I throw something together at the last minute (because I totally forgot to write it the day before) and think “Man, that’s lame. I’ll probably get fired tomorrow.” (Okay, not really, but still).

You know what? I usually get more positive comments and “thank you” emails on the days where I think it’s lame.

That tells me something important: that God works through me, even when I don’t feel like being a vessel for His work.

Whether I’m “in the mood” to witness and encourage doesn’t mean much to Him. If I’m willing, He is able. Thank goodness for that! I’m not perfect. In fact, I’m a great big mess- my hamper is overflowing, I have horrible road rage and I’m pretty sure I’m not on time to anything ever, but I am trying to live my life for Him and that’s what really matters. Some days are hard and some days are easy, but every day offers up a choice: a chance to say “yes.” Our pastor says that a huge part of belief is choice. You have to choose to believe, and you have to choose to follow the will of God. I’m so thankful that God has an amazing (sometimes confusing and crazy, but always amazing) plan for my life, and I am more than ready to see where it takes me. I say “yes” every day, even when it doesn’t make any sense.

I look at myself some days and wonder how such a mess of a person wound up with this amazing career in a leadership role at a church, and then it hits me: because that is where God wants me to be. This is so far outside the realm of things I could have made happen on my own- it is all God.

God is known for using messy people to do His work… makes you kind of glad to be a mess, doesn’t it?


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  • Reply Brandy

    I have never seen you share one of your devotions on your blog. I think you should! You are so right about God working through you if you just allow Him to use you. Sometimes its easy to give up and not put forth the effort, but thank goodness He doesn’t give up!
    I know this is random and I don’t know if you are still cloth diapering, but if you are I am giving you a link to the second best cloth diaper invention (right next to the diaper sprayer that attaches to the toilet).

    December 19, 2013 at 9:57 pm
    • Reply Jessica

      I haven’t shared them here before, but I’ve been thinking about it!

      We aren’t using cloth anymore, but man, that is cool!!

      December 19, 2013 at 10:12 pm

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